Android vs Apple: Can’t We All Just get Along?

 

We live in a golden age of mobile devices. Whatever your particular phone need, there is a phone for you. It’s like when you watch the video for Bang Bang (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HDdjwpPM3Y): Ariana Grande is the sweet, demure iPhone that seems both innocent and sexy — and for some reason blinks way too often. Jessie J is the raw, seductive, rough-around-the-edges power of Android. Nicki Minaj is the Phablet: damn that’s big! And Taylor Swift is a Windows phone: talented and elegant, but not actually in the video.

But alas, unlike Grande, J and Minaj, Android and iPhone users have decided to HATE each other. God forbid someone over at Google draws a belittling cartoon of Steve Jobs. It’ll be #jesuisandroid in no time.

We should love each other – or at least respect each other. After all, Apple’s iOS inspired Android. Samsung’s Note inspired the iPhone 6 Plus. The iPad inspired hundreds of tablet options. The Nexus 8 inspired the iPad mini. Everybody inspires / steals from everyone else, and the result is our phones get better. So what’s the problem?

The problem is simple: iPhone users are smug jerks and Android users are jealous nerds.

iPhone users who meet folks with an Android phone sound like American evangelicals talking to Godless europeans. They have that slightly sad/disappointed sound in their voice when they say “Want me to take that picture for you? (whispered) I have an iPhone.”

iPhone users boast that iOS products are so simple even a child can instinctively use them — which is 100% true. Android users counter that they are not children; they are full grown adults who can open menus and even install their own launcher, thank you very much.

But Android users won’t admit that there is something nice, something elegant – something worth envying – in the smooth, fluid, just works behavior of an iOS device. I hate iTunes too, but the damn thing works.

Android users brag about their specs with the confidence of a poker player throwing down a straight only to have their lower lip quiver a bit when they they see the four-of-a-kind that is an iPhone’s browser moving slightly faster. And dammit, how come that video plays right away on an iPhone when you always hear the Android user saying, “Wait… just a sec… wait…” like a kid practicing the piano?

Everyone should get the phone that’s right for them. I recommend Android phones (Full disclosure: I’ll buy a Note 8 as soon as I can, and I will hope it doesn’t explode) to my fellow nerd friends and folks who like to get their gadget hands a little dirty. I recommend an iPhone to my wife, to my non-nerd friends, and to artist wannabees. And, you know, to children.


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